Supporting Your Loved One’s Transition to Memory Care: A Family Guide
Kim Trevey on
Ruth Stein’s journey with Alzheimer’s had been a long and difficult one… not only for her, but for her family as well.
A few years after Ruth’s husband of 56 years had passed away, with Ruth having already been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, her children (two daughters, one son) noticed her symptoms worsening to the point where they were no longer comfortable with her living alone; they also felt incapable of providing the level of care she needed were she to live with one of them.
The decision to place their mother under the care of an excellent skilled memory care facility was simple enough, but Ruth herself had difficulty accepting and processing the decision. Having lived in the same home for almost six decades, she was initially unwilling (and, on some days, unable) to contemplate living anywhere else. Since Ruth no longer drove a car or used public transportation, her movements were already quite limited, but committing to a residence where she had no autonomy felt like a significant change to her. And on her worst days, she grappled with a sense of abandonment, both from her husband and from her surviving children, and was paralyzed with fear when her memory impairment prevented her from recognizing her new surroundings.
Fortunately, Ruth’s family worked hand-in-glove with her doctors and the caring staff in her facility to make the changes as manageable as possible. By working to recognize the nature of her underlying concerns, they were ultimately able to better address her emotional needs during the transition. Empathy and patience proved to be their greatest allies as they navigated this new chapter in her life together.
The decision to move a loved one into a memory care facility is never easy. For families grappling with the challenges of dementia or Alzheimer’s, it’s often a necessary step to ensure the safety and well-being of their family member. However, the transition can be emotionally taxing for everyone involved, especially if your loved one is reluctant or unhappy about the move. This guide aims to help families by outlining some practical strategies to support their loved ones through this significant life change, ensuring a smoother transition and a more positive experience for all.
Strategies for supporting your loved one
Regular visits and communication
One of the most impactful ways to support your family member is through regular visits and communication. Establishing a consistent visitation schedule can provide a sense of stability and reassurance. When in-person visits aren’t possible, video calls can bridge the gap, allowing your loved one to see familiar faces and maintain connections with family and friends. Encourage other family members and friends to visit or call as well, creating a network of support around your loved one.
During these visits, focus on quality time together. Engage in conversations about happy memories, share family news, or simply sit quietly together. Remember, even if your loved one doesn’t always remember your visits, the emotional impact can last long after you’ve left, contributing to their overall sense of well-being.
Create a familiar and comforting environment
Creating a familiar and comforting environment can significantly ease the transition. Work with the facility staff to personalize your loved one’s living space. Consider bringing favorite furniture pieces or decor items from home to create a sense of continuity. Display family photos and meaningful mementos that can serve as conversation starters and memory triggers. Even small touches, like adding familiar scents through air fresheners or lotions, or including a favorite blanket or throw pillow, can help create a sense of home in their new space.
Maintain routines and traditions
Maintaining routines and traditions can provide comfort for individuals with memory issues. Try to incorporate elements of their previous daily routine into their new schedule. If your loved one always read the newspaper after breakfast, see if you can continue this habit in their new home. Continue family traditions as much as possible, whether it’s Sunday dinners or holiday celebrations. These familiar rhythms can help anchor your loved one in their new environment.
Collaborate with the facility staff
Collaboration with the memory care facility staff is crucial for ensuring the best care for your family member. Share detailed information about your loved one’s preferences, habits, and history. This knowledge allows the staff to provide more personalized care and can help prevent misunderstandings or conflicts. Discuss any concerns or special needs your family member may have, and stay informed about their care plan. Participate in care meetings and express appreciation for the staff’s efforts. Building positive relationships with the caregivers can greatly enhance your loved one’s experience.
Focus on the benefits of the new living situation
While it’s natural for your family member to focus on what they’ve lost, try to highlight the benefits of their new living situation. Point out the safety features and 24/7 care available, which can provide peace of mind for both your loved one and your family. Emphasize opportunities for socialization and activities, which can help combat feelings of isolation. Highlight amenities like chef-prepared meals or beautiful outdoor spaces that they can enjoy. Discuss how this move allows you to spend quality time together rather than focusing on caregiving tasks, potentially improving your relationship.
Engage in meaningful activities
Engaging in meaningful activities can significantly improve mood and provide a sense of purpose for your loved one. Join in on facility-organized events and activities when possible, showing your support and enthusiasm. Consider bringing activities from home that your loved one enjoys, such as puzzles, art supplies, or gardening materials. Engaging in reminiscence therapy by looking through photo albums or sharing stories can be particularly beneficial for memory care residents. Music therapy sessions can also be powerful, often evoking memories and emotions even when other forms of communication become difficult.
Address your loved one’s emotional needs
Addressing your loved one’s emotional needs is paramount during this transition. They may experience a range of emotions, from anger and sadness to confusion and fear. Listen without judgment and validate their feelings. Reassure them of your love and continued presence in their life. Encourage them to form connections with other residents and staff, which can help create a sense of community in their new home. If your loved one is struggling to adjust, consider arranging for professional counseling to provide additional emotional support.
Stay calm and positive
Remember that adjustment takes time, and there may be good days and bad days. Stay calm and positive, even in challenging moments. Be prepared to change your approach if something isn’t working, and celebrate small victories and improvements. It’s also crucial to take care of your own emotional well-being to avoid burnout. Seek support from friends, family, or professional counselors as needed.
Educating yourself about your loved one’s condition can help you provide better support. Attend educational sessions offered by the memory care residence and join support groups for families of memory care patients. Stay informed about new treatments and care approaches, which can help you advocate effectively for your loved one’s care.
Plan short trips outside the memory care residence
When possible and appropriate, plan short trips outside the memory care residence. These outings can provide a refreshing change of scenery and reinforce your loved one’s connection to the outside world. Take a drive to see familiar neighborhoods, visit a favorite restaurant or park, or attend family gatherings or events. Always coordinate with staff to ensure these outings are safe and beneficial for your loved one.
Dealing with difficult moments
Despite your best efforts, there may be times when your loved one expresses a strong desire to leave the facility or becomes upset. In these moments, it’s important to remain calm and avoid arguing or trying to use logic to persuade them. Instead, validate their feelings and gently redirect their attention to a pleasant topic or activity.
If they insist on “going home,” try to understand what “home” means to them in that moment. It could be a feeling of safety or a specific memory rather than a physical place. Use distraction techniques, such as suggesting a walk or offering a favorite snack. If the situation escalates, don’t hesitate to seek help from the facility staff, who are trained to handle such situations.
Supporting a loved one’s transition to memory care is a journey that requires patience, empathy, and dedication. By focusing on creating a familiar environment, maintaining connections, and collaborating with facility staff, you can help your family member adjust to their new home. Remember that every individual’s experience is unique, and it’s okay to adjust your approach as needed.
Most importantly, take care of yourself during this process. Seek support when you need it, and remember that by ensuring your loved one receives the specialized care they need, you’re acting out of love and concern for their well-being.
At The Breckinridge Memory Care, we’re committed to partnering with families to provide the best possible care for our residents. Together, we can create a supportive, engaging, and comfortable environment where your loved one can thrive despite the challenges of memory loss. This new chapter may be different from what you envisioned, but with patience, love, and the right support, it can still be filled with moments of joy, connection, and dignity.and concern for their well-being.
